missing you

sometimes i wish we could bottle up the sunlight
and fill the spaces between us, but when i tried
it leaked through my fingers and left me broken
down on the floor. (here i am looking for the things
you'd never understand 'cause i'm trying to tell
you words i'd never dare speak straight to you.)

I'm left with silence that is a taste on my tongue,
flimsy and blue with regret.
Here: take your steeple, your wan accusing finger
and go.

'cause she held a million stars in her eyes
and you couldn't pull away from the brilliance of blue and grey.
(i never stood a chance against your cigarette smile
and stargazer eyes. now i'm stuck with what ifs and if onlys,
but they don't taste the same as you)

I'm shunted back into darkness,
irrevocable chains of events--
you are lost to me and there was nothing
I could do.

here i stand, dying stars at my fingertips.
i'm breathing, just barely,
lips blue with cold and pale as snow.