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Literature Text
their dead never crowded
my mind;
I never lurched beneath
the weight of
too many bones
that were not mine:
rather, a kind
of hesitant symmetry
began to overtake
the place,
to invade the narrow crevices
where, previously,
a doubt had been.
I've been wrong,
all this time:
they are not laying siege.
they are waiting for
the inexorable pull of entropy
to break me
just enough
my mind;
I never lurched beneath
the weight of
too many bones
that were not mine:
rather, a kind
of hesitant symmetry
began to overtake
the place,
to invade the narrow crevices
where, previously,
a doubt had been.
I've been wrong,
all this time:
they are not laying siege.
they are waiting for
the inexorable pull of entropy
to break me
just enough
Literature
thyroidal cartilage
i held a bird between my hands,
swallow's throat twitching in laryngeal spasms.
when i whispered gently,
lips millimeters from its ear,
'you are mine; there is nothing you can do'
it struggled, beak clicking like talon-fingernails on porcelain
i didn't mean to let it free, i swear.
it beat me back with a single shining look;
beaded gaze bruising, breaking capillaries and
bringing blood to the surface.
i would have gotten a black eye if i wasn't careful.
i wasn't.
careful, i mean. i was never careful.
with mirrored eyes i watched it fly,
wings beating in time to my heart.
my breath was a cloud of smoke,
droplets condensing
Literature
Zemi
Things having to be returned to their transparency:
i.
/ green mist-earth / knit
atmosphere / fathomless
blue-lavender / lights
spun out from light
ii.
are recalcitrance / and you
are convergence
& - a fingernail of summer
- a melting of rain
- a crown of flowers
- a priest of sunsets
(beautiful? I love you, because. Zemi.
Zemi. are you beautiful because I love
you? Zemi? )
iii.
I imagine this is what it's like to breathe sea foam
over the Cliffs of Moher: hydration. absolution.
Literature
Mapleine
there's a lamp post
behind those trees
and it looks like a forest
fire
she calls nine one one
but by the time the
paramedics arrive,
it's too late, she's already
dead
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Suleiman need not bother with my mind
© 2010 - 2024 toxic-nebulae
Comments41
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Overall
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Technique
Impact
their dead never crowded my
mind,
Right away you capture your reader's attention, Vienna's dead, maybe? Also, you say "crowded which makes us wonder if they don't crowd anymore, or if maybe this is from the perspective of a dead person.
I never lurched beneath
the weight of too
many bones
A lovely continuation of the feeling in the first phrase. I like that you use the word "lurch."
that were not mine;
This section is wonderful. This line adds depth to the previous phrases.
rather, a fearful kind
of hesitant symmetry
began to
overtake the place,
to invade
the narrow crevices
where, previously,
a doubt
had been.
The tone changes here slightly, in an interesting way that pulls you in. It gives us a bit more story. The only thing that isn't entirely clear is what these crevices are. There's no more doubt in this place, alright. I just feel like maybe this section leaves just a bit too much to the imagination.
I've been wrong,
all this time:
they are not laying siege,
they are waiting for
the inexorable pull of
entropy
to break me
just enough
This adds to the feeling that maybe the narrator is dead. These bodies are being patient.. I really like this ending. (: The italics are a nice touch.
Overall this is delicately worded and lovely.