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Literature Text
I cannot escape from its gaping hooks,
this malefic syndrome
which I do not have:
not possess,
in the fumbling sense of a
clover or a daisy-
chain,
but consume,
in cumbersome little white
pills
which are not cure,
but affliction.
this malefic syndrome
which I do not have:
not possess,
in the fumbling sense of a
clover or a daisy-
chain,
but consume,
in cumbersome little white
pills
which are not cure,
but affliction.
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seriously fucking up cause and effect
edit: I have been told thrice now that this poem is simply too hard to understand. I don't mean to sound high and mighty, but I'm not about to hand you the meaning upon a silver tea tray. think, please! look at the title, look at the comment. if all else fails, come up with a meaning for yourself.
also, if you think you know what it means, or came up with a suitable meaning, please let me know: I'm interested to find out.
if you really, really want me to, and don't think it ruins the entire point, I'll dissect it for you.
the ironic thing is that I know precisely what this poem means. I've written poems whose meanings eluded me entirely, and those weren't picked upon at all.
sighhhhhhhhh
that is all.
edit: I have been told thrice now that this poem is simply too hard to understand. I don't mean to sound high and mighty, but I'm not about to hand you the meaning upon a silver tea tray. think, please! look at the title, look at the comment. if all else fails, come up with a meaning for yourself.
also, if you think you know what it means, or came up with a suitable meaning, please let me know: I'm interested to find out.
if you really, really want me to, and don't think it ruins the entire point, I'll dissect it for you.
the ironic thing is that I know precisely what this poem means. I've written poems whose meanings eluded me entirely, and those weren't picked upon at all.
sighhhhhhhhh
that is all.
© 2010 - 2024 toxic-nebulae
Comments36
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Overall Vision Originality
Technique Impactthis gem glows with a unique light, undiminished by minor glitches...
VISION: a fantastic spine-shivering delight of raw, twisted imagery: a chain of white flowers becomes a sequence of little white pills; a sense of ownership is bungled, confused, misunderstood; the 'gaping hooks' of a fearsome malady loom, lines are blurred and crossed between such seemingly clear-cut poles as owning and being owned, curing and sickening.
ORIGINALITY: i have a vivid imagination: the image of a chain of flowers becoming a chain of pills, stretched across time, will haunt my waking dreams for many weeks to come, i am most certain.
TECHNIQUE: nearly flawless; lacking only a few minor points that relate to stress and flow. my reading eye is distracted in only a few places (between the colon and the italicized 'possess'; between the hyphen and 'chain'; between the comma after 'consume' and the next line). my distraction relates to my lack of confidence in my own ability to interpret the poet's intended stresses. i would suggest reducing the amount and type of punctuation used, and making sure that the right type and amount of emphasis is used to connect key words together (like 'possess' and 'consume' or 'cure' and 'affliction'). for me and readers like me, i think this would help the poem to flow better--which would mean that the poem would flow EFFORTLESSLY.
IMPACT: my personal foibles have extremely little dampening effect on my appreciation of this fine poem. this is a balanced, sparely eloquent vignette that uses raw imagery, plain yet stark language, and an open, stripped-down style to make a neat little mark in a reader's mind. i applaud the poet's command of language as a tool to grip and squeeze the reader.